So, yesterday I heard a commercial about a women's sexual enhancement medical research looking for participants. Being unemployed I am thinking..."Hum. Might get paid to participate and might get my blood pressure treated as well. I went to the web site and signed up. Now just waiting for someone to contact me to complete the survey. I wonder if the diagnosis I have of bone on bone arthritis in my right hip will make a difference. I admit, it has made a difference in my decisions to have or not have sex! I am afraid it will break on me in the heat of passion. LOL!
That was yesterday and today I am wondering if I should have even applied. I am thinking about just telling them to forget about it when and if they do call me. It has been since April of 2007 since I have had sex. And I am not sure that it is all because I have taken blood pressure and cholesterol medications for years or if it is just a general lack of interest? Ok, let me explain this.
I have been married 25 years. It may be a bit longer than April of 2007 since I have had sex but would not be by much. I enjoy sex and for the most part sex has always been good. On my anniversary in April of 2007, my husband had the nerve to ask/beg me to allow his friend to come and stay with us. I do not care for this person but I allowed it. His moving in put a damper on my anniversary plans and because he is a pervert I never felt comfortable having sex while he was staying there.
There are other reasons I am going to explain here that were starting to make an impact on my desire/mood for sex anyway. I keep saying "sex" instead of "making love". Does that give one a clue? I still today will tell my husband that the fire is not out it just needs stoking. And there lies a majority of the problem...no foreplay.
Don't get me wrong! We have had some excellent love making times down through the years. But for the most part I get nothing out of our foreplay.
Foreplay to my husband consist of the words "give me a blow job." I do not let him return the favor in the oral sex department. He has made attempts down through the years but he isn't that interested. It is not giving him any satisfaction and his disinterest is noticeable. His idea of foreplay beside the oral satisfaction for him is more like children having a tickle fight. Ya know, when you are young and in love you tend to overlook these things and yes, the childish tickle fights have proven to be fun. But sometimes I want and need more. I want to be made love to.
Earlier in our relationship I told my husband my turn ons and offs. I told him my fantasies. I use to love to have my ear lobes, neck and shoulders nibbled and kissed. Somehow this translated into licking my face like a dog and slobbering in my ears. I use to have my breast caressed but the only part of my nipple my husband even acknowledges is there are my nipples. They have been pinched, seriously PINCHED to the point I have no more feeling in them. And he wonders why I flinch and cover myself when he reaches for them!
My husband loves me I know. I know he does still want me because he still makes feeble attempts but those are more of a turn off and he looks so pleading and pitiful that it turns me off. They are still the childish attempts at play to eventually lead to sex. The same old crap I've put up with for years. Just once I wish he would touch me and let me know he thinks of me as a sexual woman. No caresses or touches...just play, poke and pinch. Not a romantic anything.
All of this has been discussed over and over again. Down through the years I have bought little books about making love, paying attention to your wife and given on Valentine's, birthdays and just because. However he has not gotten the clue.
Don't get me started on kissing. It has been longer than 3 years since I have been kissed. Other than the peck on the lips!! Hubby and I use to make out like crazy and you know kissing is a major part of making love and sex. Or it is for me anyway. I love deep kisses while getting deep. LOL! Shortly after marriage hubby simply says..." I never cared much for all that kissing. I just did it because you like it and when it is all we could do at the time, I did it." So, there ya go. No deep passionate kisses for many, many years. And no making love for a few and definitely no sex for 3 years.
I still think about it. I still fantasize about it. But I now wonder if I need enhancement or just need to find a more direct hit hubby upside of the head lessons in love making.
Wish Me Luck.
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